This is not an overstatement or over-generalization. This is truth. The more one ponders on this truth, the more evident it becomes, and the more one is empowered to use it in his life.
If I cannot look at myself honestly, I will never be able to look at others honestly. Said another way, my refusal to look fully at myself becomes my refusal to look fully at others. I will never fully know, love, or appreciate others until I fully know, love, and appreciate myself. "Love thy neighbor as thyself," said the greatest Teacher in the world. It was not only a mandate, but a statement of truth. We cannot love our neighbors more than we love ourselves.
How do you feel about yourself? Are there parts of you that you hate? Then there are parts of others that you hate? Not until we can look at ourselves fully in the mirror, completely naked (this is true both in this metaphoric sense and also in a physical sense--if you hate your physical body, you're still hating yourself) and love that being completely, blemishes and all, will we be able to do this for others. Do not pretend to say that you have patience for others weaknesses, but not your own. Let that be the first sign that you are lying to yourself and will be damned until you fix it.
So what is to be done with weaknesses? Especially those ones we just cannot seem to immediately fix.
The alcoholic is a great example for us. The alcoholic who has learned to deal with his problem does not hate himself for his weakness. He understands it is merely a part of him and adjusts accordingly. He avoids alcohol, but that does not mean he is paralyzed--sitting, wringing his hands at home, hoping that a bottle of alcohol doesn't sneak up on him and surprise him. He accentuates the things he can do and the things he can enjoy. It is the same with us.
We must learn to accept our weaknesses as part of ourselves and love ourselves notwithstanding. This does not mean we do not seek to change; it means we are patient with change and keep ourselves away from situations that would put us in a place to hurt ourselves and/or others because of that weakness.
The practical applications are endless. The man who struggles with pornography makes sure to stay away from the internet when he is alone until he has truly beaten the problem. The overeater avoids eating alone until the weakness is conquered. We all have them--what's yours?
Once acceptance has taken place, solutions can be found for avoiding hurting ourselves and others, and we can then move past the weakness and accentuate the positive.
Before going on let me state that those things which are our greatest strengths are, or can be, usually also our greatest weaknesses. This topic deserves its own entry, but let that suffice for now so that we can use this truth as we move on. This ties directly into accentuating the positive and overcoming the weakness.
Perhaps the porn addict finds that his weakness is driven in part by his love for and curiosity about the human body. This is a great thing! He can take this and apply it as a strength. Perhaps he takes an anatomy class and develops a tremendous respect for the body. His passion drives him to learn all he can and excell, and the learning educates the mind as well as the soul and passions. Perhaps the alcoholic (putting genetic factos aside, which obviously play a large role and are the reason why many alocoholics simply never touch alcohol again) finds that his excess is caused by a desire to relax and escape. This, too, can be turned for good. He simply needs to find another positive way of doing the same thing. Perhaps it is exercise, playing music, cooking, who knows? But the truth of the matter is this: we are all good at some things. We can find things that we love about ourselves. Then we must focus on those things--expand upon them. We will find satisfaction, joy, and confidence as we do so. And avoid situations where we know we may fall until our weaknesses become our strengths and we are ready to handle them appropriately.
As we do this, we will find that we begin to see others differently. We will be less critical. People will enjoy our presence, even hunger for it, for we will help them do what we have done--that is, see what is uplifting and strong inside them. And we will help them accentuate it. We will find that we truly begin to love others. But it must start at home. If that home is one you hate and find ugly, do what you can to change it or to change your attitudes.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
If the garden is ugly, find the flowers that seem to be growing best and uproot the other weeds and allow more of that good flower to grow. And focus on that growth. Little by little, you will make the changes to the other parts of this "house" and become more and more pleased. But if you cannot accept it and love it for what it is, good luck even getting started.
Learn to love yourself.
The "naked in the mirror" thing might be a good place to start......
A post-script: I would be dishonest if I did not include a few thoughts of my faith, for I believe it is the only way real growth occurs. A man may change his actions (stop yelling at his children for example), but real change occurs within the desires of one's heart (this man's problems with anger and patience may not have changed). Only God can give us a new heart. It is incredible to me that as I have turned to Him in prayer and pleading, seeking help with some weakness, I have seen those weaknesses dissappear. Suddenly, I do not even have a desire for them. My heart changed. By a power outside myself. "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27) We can struggle and try and fail and feel like we accomplish little; or we can turn to the source of all goodness and turn it over to Him. His grace truly is sufficient.
