On humor and thoughts

Humor is our greatest ally in our ventures to find happiness as well as in our fights against the often bitter ironies, challenges, and disappointments so characteristic of the human experience. As others have said, often one of life's greatest challenges is to "drink the bitter cup" without actually becoming bitter.
When all is said and done, the greatest battles of the human race that have been fought have taken place, day in and day out, in the minds of each person. The watershed of attitudes, desires, actions, and the determiner for so much of what constitutes our human experience, thoughts truly have tremendous power and impact on not only the individual, but his community, and thus, the world.
So many -- too many -- of our thoughts fall into the "self-destructive" or "self-defeating" category. If thoughts are our greatest allies in the struggles of life, it does not good to poison them, or allow them to be poisoned. We would never allow someone to mangle our right hand, yet we so frequently allow ourselves to be handicapped by thoughts that, in effect, do the same thing to us mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and thus even have physical ramifications.
Another entry will have to cover in greater detail some examples of these species of thoughts and the "parent thoughts" who spawn and nurture them; for now, I wish to cover how to defeat such thoughts.
These thoughts can justly be called "mental maelstroms," as they quickly spiral downward to nothingness. Once caught in their pull, it can be incredibly difficult to free oneself from the rip of the raging, swirling current, but it must be done if one wishes to preserve his happiness and even sanity.
So what can be done? Here is where we come back to humor. These thoughts only have as much venom as we give them -- only have as much rope to bind us with as we are willing to concede. In letting our "feathers get ruffled" by these thoughts, we give them power. They only bother us because they bother us; if they do not bother us, they will not bother us. Allow me to explain such an obvious statement.
If I make some social blunder and others notice and comment, laugh, or mock, I may quickly find myself in downward-spiraling thoughts. I may review the situation over and over again in my head in my anxiety, reliving the moment time and again. To put it in another perspective, itwould be a lot like getting stabbed once, then re-stabbing oneself to remember exactly what it felt like; it is a vain, or fruitless, exercise. As I review the situation, others' reactions, and my own blunder, I may find myself angry with the people, myself, the situation, or even God. Why does the situation bother me? Because I could not laugh at it. When I learn to laugh at myself, even through possible tears of sadness, we, in effect, clip the barbs off of these assailing thoughts. They may do some momentary, minimal damage, but their rancor is gone.
By simply laughing at an uncomfortable situation, it has already lost its sting. This is often the only way to pull oneself out of the whirlpool of destructice thoughts. I must confront them and then laugh at them, understanding them in the context of my own experience, and of the human experience.
Let's not take life, and especially not ourselves, too seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself, even in the thoughts that come to your mind, and you will save yourself hours of wasted energy and grief.

On the consequences of physicality in a relationship

This is the first of many, I suppose, entries. I don't know if any of the things I think will have any value to anyone, but I sure think a lot, and it sure would be selfish to not share. Here, I'll share a recent thought I had on relationships.
Overemphasizing the physical in a relationship destroys it. A beautiful physical relationship is based on the friendship and emotions shared between the people in the relationship, but if this becomes the only focus, the closeness of shared experiences, traditions, discussions, and all the other things that go into making a good friendship are lost, and the physical relationship loses its savor. It becomes commonplace. Whether you were kissing your partner or anybody else, it would be the exact same. And if physical becomes the focus, instead of the inherent value of your partner, then physical things will be the things you begin to value. If we start talking about merely physical, then we move into the realm of things like houses, cars, or anything of the like. The problem is that there's always a "new-and-improved" model with such things, and so it will be with you. Suddenly, you will notice more flashy models and lust after them. Say goodbye to your relationship; say hello to running around looking for something you'll never find (and the frustration that comes with such a pursuit). Furthermore, the true desire of the human soul is not for the "hottest model," but for a true friend with whom one can share the deepest parts of oneself. Thus, even if you avoid going after the "newest model" presented to you, you will begin to loathe your partner, and find yourself happier in others' company because there is a real relationship there - one you find true fulfillment and joy in - and you will gravitate towards those people. Sooner or later, if the problem is not fixed, you will break ties with your partner for somebody (or multiple "somebodies") else. The answer: keep focused on being friends. Keep building the relationship you did before you got physical and let the physical be the occaisional spice that adds that good "kick" to your "dish". Too much "kick" and you get numb to it and just want "soul food" again. Good luck figuring out where that line is. Open communication is recommended for figuring it out as it's different for everybody. Let's not confuse the closeness, both physical, emotional, and otherwise, that comes from closeness of breath and body for the true intimacy of a deep friendship.