Monday, June 16, 2008

On the consequences of physicality in a relationship

This is the first of many, I suppose, entries. I don't know if any of the things I think will have any value to anyone, but I sure think a lot, and it sure would be selfish to not share. Here, I'll share a recent thought I had on relationships.
Overemphasizing the physical in a relationship destroys it. A beautiful physical relationship is based on the friendship and emotions shared between the people in the relationship, but if this becomes the only focus, the closeness of shared experiences, traditions, discussions, and all the other things that go into making a good friendship are lost, and the physical relationship loses its savor. It becomes commonplace. Whether you were kissing your partner or anybody else, it would be the exact same. And if physical becomes the focus, instead of the inherent value of your partner, then physical things will be the things you begin to value. If we start talking about merely physical, then we move into the realm of things like houses, cars, or anything of the like. The problem is that there's always a "new-and-improved" model with such things, and so it will be with you. Suddenly, you will notice more flashy models and lust after them. Say goodbye to your relationship; say hello to running around looking for something you'll never find (and the frustration that comes with such a pursuit). Furthermore, the true desire of the human soul is not for the "hottest model," but for a true friend with whom one can share the deepest parts of oneself. Thus, even if you avoid going after the "newest model" presented to you, you will begin to loathe your partner, and find yourself happier in others' company because there is a real relationship there - one you find true fulfillment and joy in - and you will gravitate towards those people. Sooner or later, if the problem is not fixed, you will break ties with your partner for somebody (or multiple "somebodies") else. The answer: keep focused on being friends. Keep building the relationship you did before you got physical and let the physical be the occaisional spice that adds that good "kick" to your "dish". Too much "kick" and you get numb to it and just want "soul food" again. Good luck figuring out where that line is. Open communication is recommended for figuring it out as it's different for everybody. Let's not confuse the closeness, both physical, emotional, and otherwise, that comes from closeness of breath and body for the true intimacy of a deep friendship.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

well ive never ever lusted after anybody so this is really hard for me to relate to....haha just pullin yo chain. this is very all true words of wisdom, thanks for sharing it. i can reference it before dates!