Competitiveness

There are healthy kinds of competitiveness with nourishing results, and there are unhealthy forms of competitiveness that are poison to the soul.
Healthy competition arouses within us a desire to succeed and to do better; however, it does not influence what we think of ourselves or others around us. For healthy competitiveness to exist, the two or more parties must think of each other as equals and true brotherly love must exist.
I have a friend named Thanh who shares this kind of competitiveness with me. He teaches a class of young men trying to learn Vietnamese so they can serve two year missions to Vietnamese communities around the world. On occasion, I have an opportunity to teach his class. Whenever I do, my goal is to have had the class learn something new that they can show him and impress him with when it is his shift to teach. For my own glory? No; though I would probably say something later akin to, “Hey Thanh, did ya like how those missionaries could talk about their families like that? Huh? Huh?” with a smile on my face. Thanh might say, “I don’t know Cam, they’re still struggling with the vocab…” in a good natured, ribbing way; or he might say, “Yeah, they are so amazing huh!” Either way, we would both celebrate the goodness of the missionaries and walk away feeling good; and vice-versa – if it were Thanh who had taught and they came to me with a great new grammar principle mastered, I would give honor to their goodness, and also be inspired by Thanh’s goodness to do better myself. I would NOT, however, think of Thanh as any better or any worse, in any case.
Another memory: As a high school wrestler, I could be chatting with my upcoming opponent before a match as a friend, and two minutes later be smearing his face into the mat as a foe, determined to make him hurt until he yielded. When I won, I thought no greater of myself, nor any less of my opponent. It was merely my day, or perhaps I was just better than he was at the sport. Afterwards, the opponent willing, I could converse with him normally, just as we had before.
Both of these examples show the type of competitiveness that is constructive and that leaves both parties walking away, having “won” or “lost”, uplifted and inspired.
The other type of competitiveness is the reason why many avoid competitive situations or say they don’t like competition. In this type of competitiveness, hierarchy is set up as a result of outcome. Such a person thinks, “I won, therefore I am better,” or, “I lost therefore, he is better, and/or I am worse, but he’d better watch out cuz someday I’ll get him.” One must imagine a menacing tone with such statements, especially the last one, because a person who has a healthy competitive spirit could say the same thing, but with a smile on his face, or even a great amount of determination, but determination that still bears a good, happy spirit. Unhealthy competitiveness is not satisfied with doing well, but only by doing better than another; it is not uplifted by simply doing the best it can, but only uplifted by putting others down, which, in the end, only debases and leaves all parties feeling lower and that they have lost something. This kind of competitiveness has its base, of course, in the mother of all sins: pride.